i will never understand why adults always tell children that it is a sin to touch yourself, or anyone else for that reason.
i was so ashamed of my body when i was younger, a dark shadow of guilt always intertwined with the sensation of being naked or aroused.
naked – dirty
sex – dirty
jerking off – dirty
porn – dirty
cock – dirty
tits – dirty
why my parents chose to associate shame with sex and nudity is something i don’t think i will ever understand.
if we are created in the image of God as we were taught during the most boring tedious hour of our lives every Sunday – then where is the shame in a body.
even as a younger much sexier version of myself i was so embarrassed of my body that i missed out on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and some of the most beautiful men.
i am not the only person of my generation that was brought up this way, at a recent dinner party amongst a mixed crowd of gay and straight people i asked if everyone there would be able to eat desert in the nude?
almost everyone freaked out and thought it unimaginable and responded in protest, giggles and said they weren’t nearly drunk enough.
then i asked the most educated person in the room to tell me why, explaining the reason as if to a child.
after a moment, he said that besides feeling ashamed of his physical appearance he couldn’t think of a logical reason to use as an explanation!
again the shame thing ???
what does it matter if someone is naked and doesn’t have a perfect body?
i know almost no one with a perfect body and i’m gay!
it is my wish for every young gay guy to appreciate the beauty of youth, when the rose fades from one’s cheek it is a flower that never blooms again.
i love naturist beaches and think that all beaches should allow nudity, amongst naked people it is very often the clothed one that appears awkward.
state officials often say that nude beaches will breed a culture of perversity and depravity, but is it not so that if one is taught respect for the human body at an impressionable age it is more likely that the respect will remain throughout adulthood.
i’m simply saying this by taking the opposite into consideration – the lasting effect of being taught that nudity is shameful.
the feeling of shame often leeds to anger, anger leads to the exertion of power over others – to further shame or even worse to hurt and humiliate.
if you want to destroy the freedom of a man all you need to do is destroy his sense of pride.
and just because it’s so much fun to “sin” …(and i haven’t committed nearly enough)
my other more modest fantasy …
it’s all in the collar !
there were some really old pics on my mac ,
that i started collecting when just about the drop of a coin left me with a hard on !
it is amazing how we build up resistance to sexually provocative imagery and porn as
we grow older !
when i was in my early 20′s i could hardly make it through to the cumshot before i shot my own load ,
now i can have porn in the background while i’m responding to an e-mail or googling
whats on at the local theatre for the coming month !
everything becomes normal if you are exposed to it enough ,
i don’t know if this is funny or scary , perhaps that is why the world is so fucked up ,
because we are able to process and accept virtually anything that we thought of as
taboo when we first learned of such goings on’s !
the pics that i found for this post made me giggle a little and i may
have blushed for a split second , felt the heat of that “oh my god i never did that ” moment !
during the collection of some of these my very first ensemble of boys in underwear , while in the throws of discovering
my underwear fetish ,
i was too poor to have a computer of my own and paying for an internet connection was completely out of the
question , i could barely afford entrance to the baths !
this left me with only one option and that was to go down to the local internet cafe and buy a per hour ticket for
data and the use of a computer .
i remember this place like it was yesterday ,
it was all darkly lit , everything felt like it was washed in blue neon.
the chairs were an amazingly deep and comfy black leather office kind .
the computers were all hidden behind corners in little pairs or trio’s .
i will never forget the first time i started exploring the inter-sex-net there , my hands were shaking
and i was so nervous that someone would see i was looking at imagery of guys in various states of undress,
but it was also such a turn on that i wasn’t able to get up for 5min after my time had lapsed because of the
boner in my pants .
i soon learned that this dimly lit doorway to the interlubes was quite an attraction amongst other gay boys too.
one day whilst surfing the net in a pair of baggy cargo pants this guy came to sit next to me round back ,
i’d already been there for a while , and was caught in the trows of spandexmen.com and
leaking pre-cum like an antique faucet .
i was so shocked by the movement that instead of closing the screen i expanded it all the way .
he blatantly looked at the splattering of bulges , smiled , sat down and opened an even more explicit site .
before long he had unzipped my trousers and had taken out my cock ,
he massaged it in his hand for exactly about 5 seconds , before i shot my load all over my jacket and his
it was really humiliating ,
i wanted the earth to open up and swallow me hole ,
i contemplated committing harikirri in the road ,
but instead he just smiled and said in a real sexy voice ….
thanks for the compliment kid !!!
took out … i fukking kid you not , a brilliant white handkerchief as he got up ,
he bent over and put it on my cock ,
kissed me on the cheek and walked away .
it was the first time that i had anonymous sex LOL !!
i have it a lot easier now ,
i don’t hang out in places where random strangers try to touch me anymore and
most of the time i don’t even think about stuff like that happening anymore ,
i guess i’d be the one having to do the jerking anyway .
it is not that i have lost interest in adventurous sex , it is just
that i have lost interest in that kind of adventure !
and i guess that is what happens when we really fall in love ,
the adventure changes , the experience means more , lasts (a lot) longer
and has real value .
i love that i get to practice with the same guy a lot !
i love that he never leaves me behind to clean up on my own .
i love that it actually gets better , more exciting and
i really love that it is not embarrassing or that when it is ,
it’s funny for everyone involved !!
still we all have to start somewhere ,
and it’s good to know that just like learning to ride a bike , we
fell off and got hurt many times until it became as natural as … riding a bike !!
we are all “history boys”
no matter the size of your load .
it’s a sunny sunday in cape-town and the world is a remarkably beautiful place
to look at .
“the photographer” has taught me to always see the cup as half full
and i really try my best .
but sometimes we all hit a bump in the road .
my bump in the road usually happens after a conversation with my father
my only surviving parent .
he is not a proud gay dad .
in fact he hates me for being gay .
but to be honest in general i don’t think he likes me very much .
his loss right ???
easier said than done … we all want our parents to like us … some parents even love
their gay kids ….
i have tried for years … and failed … to cross the bridge , to say it is ok
that he doesn’t visit , take interest or call ,
but actually it just hurts and i think the resentment of a parent will always have a
devastating effect on a child .
even after they pass , it is the kind of energy that roots itself to the workings of your life
and remains the unsolvable problem .
acceptance unlike respect cannot be earned , and even respect can not be earned if there
is no acceptance .
a parent who does not accept a child does not respect a child .
how is the child then supposed to respect the parent .
the kind of background i come from teaches that you have to honer your mother and father as you do god .
i am no longer able to do this .
it undoubtedly makes me sad and troubles me that i have realized after so many years
that this is a battle i can never win .
i am tired of trying to prove my worth as a human being to someone that regrets
my existence .
i am over trying to mend the broken bridges of a foundation that never existed in the first place .
but i do respect myself !
i do honor mysel !
and i do love myself !
this is why i am choosing to stop fighting an to stop questioning what i can change about myself
to be a better son .
i have done all that i can over the past 20 years of my life .
i have given my best ,
extended my hand , my friendship , my love , more times than i can count .
i will always be grateful for the fact that i was never physically harmed and cared for
in such a way that i might have received a fair education and some support growing up as a child .
but i will no longer subject myself to the emotional turmoil of judgement
just so that i am able to say that i have a parent .
which in reality i really actually don’t …
at some point in the life of every man who was once someones child
we need to accept the things we cannot change , just as a river
cannot flow upwards we cannot keep looking back at a finger pointing
towards us in judgement , blame and emotional abuse .
we have to turn toward a future , pull our shoulders back and
walk bravely forward , even though the road ahead my seem scary ,
and alone .
i am almost 100% sure somewhere along the way we will meet our real family .
i have met mine .
i hope you will meet yours .
thank the ones that gave you life , and carry on living , you are able to breathe by yourself .
i am choosing the cleansing display of water as the theme for this sunny sunday .
water has the same effect on me as forgiveness and letting go .
it is cleansing
it nurtures and …
for fuck sakes whats better to look at than a drenched boy to turn your frown
upside down !
i am beautiful in every single way ….
and so are you !!
i recently went to a party .
i had difficulty deciding whether it was a party
or a wedding when i first arrived .
it was over the top
and it lost me somewhere between the crushed velvet sofas and the
reason for being there ??
until i saw a flash and remembered … i was there because of ”the photographer” -
and people invite him because they can’t afford him and then they ask …”would you mind”??
he rarely says no , because he is just such a good guy whom i love to bits .
i envy really talented people ,
people like “the photographer” who made it in time to be at the front of the cue when THE BIG MAN upstairs
dished out talents and hotness .
i was not
i was late as always …. lol
during the night the conversation became intellectual and someone commented on the fact
that photography has become life-less and easy since the death of film and bla bla bla …..
well luckily at that point in time i was too drunk on semi-posh champagne and too riddled with flu ,
to get involved …. and basically to tell him what a fucking stupid comment that was .
he wore chino’s – it wasn’t worth the fight !
i have seen first hand the work involved in digital shoots , before , during , after … it’s hard work .
and since i love the world of nude male photography …. i am all for digital , make a bulge look bigger , enhance a tan
and photoshop a bright white smile …. hell yes ,
because you know what …
most of us like looking at beautiful images ,
because that is what fantasy is about .
no one jerks off to the image of fat fred next door ,
and thats why porn sells ,
and thats why we buy sexy magazines .
and if it motivates to tweak an eyebrow ,
eat a little less carbs and go for a little gym …. even better !
justin monroe is a man that i not only envy for his talent ,
but also a lot of the time for his subject matter …
and thank god he uses digital
he is a real light weaver and digitally portrays the most stunning qualities
of some of the most beautiful male models in the world …
never mind wanting to be justin ,
i’d be happy just being his fluffer on set !!
describing itself as the “victoria’s secret ” for men
is actually pretty much just what the folks at bodyaware have achieved!
i have an extremely soft spot for this company ,
it was one of the first online companies i ever purchased anything from ,
and i still have that extremely minimalist pair of briefs i ended up going to the
beach with ….
fair warning for all who are into fetish wear … some of these designs are very daring and
wearing them in public might get you cuffed …. but then again i have
never minded the feel of a little steel around my wrists or ankles for that matter !
i am glad to see that bodyaware still keeps a lot of their focus on sex appeal and
bulge enhancing wear – no one likes a flattie and they have also kept their
site super sexy and user friendly .
even shipping to africa seemed a breeze for these guys
with reasonable rates and easy tracking
an absolute cock exposing pleasure to deal with !!
try it … you only have your pants to loose
there is always something new waiting down in the dungeon
behind the gates of #fort troff !
so your a real good boy during the week ,
you don’t drink or smoke or say fuck ,
but your looking for a place where it’s ok to get a little dirty ,
to have cum on your face and to have or ass stretched by a fat boy cock sheath !
you don’t have to have to pray to be abducted by aliens but it will help
if you go down on your knees and find a friend who likes to play it up the same way you do .
at #FT you will find ways and products that will allow you to get in touch with your inner sex addict ,
and if you have a dick thats probably a part of who you are no matter how many old ladies
you help to cross the road !
at #fort-troff you will find products that make it equally as good to give as it is to receive ,
so go on and get a little mud on your face and a lot of cum lube inn your ass ,
cause a sloppy hole is a happy hole !
when you are holding up a freak flag
whilst sliding down the gay banister called life and
your aim is to turn your bulge into a 4th of july
explosion of sheer delight and eye popping
then joe snyder is probably the kind of closet
you would like to fall inn so that you can burst out of it later !!
a lot of companies boast that they will put a rainbow of bulge-enhancing wear ,
in the pathways of your easter egg hunt for the ultimate erotic underwear hunt .
i find that this sometimes leads to such extreme designs that they loose focus on the fact
that most of us would like to go to the beach without being arrested .
i have a thing for the kind of swimwear that looks like it has been painted on ,
often i have ended up with an order that looks fairly nice in the packet
until you try it on and find that your cock disappears behind the kind of padding that
the use in a pampers diaper !
now gentleman …. what the hell is the point of that ,
unless you have a huge problem with an after-drip from not shaking enough before
you walk out of the little boys room !!
joe snyder definitely deserves a mexican wave for it’s unlined innovation ,
the fact is that this is simply the sexiest way for a pair of swim briefs to be worn ,
no matter if you are packing a anaconda or a baby rattler ,
it simply makes your cock look a lot bigger !
if you are worried that the lack of lining will cause it to go sheer in the water,
i can really recommend purchasing the blue’s and red’s ,
the color stays soloed even when wet !
JS also sports a very hot range of jockstraps , and singlets ,
there is also the range of enhancers that will give you the right lift under
an ordinary pair of speedo’s !
and for those who are into bushwhacking there is also the JS “camo” range that you
could probably wear while cruising the bushes of your favorite local park ,
although i would advise taking a flashlight if you decide on this option as you might need to signal your prospective fuck
in morse as you may be harder to spot in these !
i am sure there are boys in the army that are secretly wearing these underneath their combats !
but it is the latest range from JS that leaves me standing a puddle of pre-cum !
the …. “metallic” range !!
i don’t think any other company has ever pulled off metals with so much success !
metals are hard to do , most of the time you end up looking like the stripper from a half -way
house in the country , or the man that went to greece for the past 80 holidays and has now
had enough reconstructive surgery so that he can now be the body double of rod stewart .
but JS has kept metal looking masculine , and fluid , an almost airbrushed look
that makes you wish they could spray paint your car in the same color !
it is a range for the extrovert and the brave but if you want all the attention focused
on your bulge this is the one for you , for me and for everyone ,
i actually feel there should be a designated JS beach in the world where it is mandatory
to wear either this brand only …. or nothing !
i may end up building a hut on that beach or just living under my umbrella!
JS is for “joe snyder” or “just so friggin sexy”